Last week, I helped an independently wealthy single mother, who is independently wealth in her own right, think through whether it would be a good idea to tell her son what her net worth really is.
She had already decided to share the practical details:
Who would hold Power of Attorney
How to contact our office as her financial planning team
Where to find her will, trust, and estate documents
Those documents, however, do not give the son a total dollar figure.
The amount may be a shock, and she does not want it to negatively affect his life.
It’s an interesting predicament- one I have helped many families navigate.
What’s Holding People Back?
Most clients never tell their kids that number- their total net worth. The combined value of their checking, savings, retirement accounts, and home..
It’s taboo.
Talking about money is hard and brings up a lot of doubt and emotion. Common questions I see come up for clients are:
Will adult children resent you for how much you have saved, and not spent or given away?Will they alter their motivation, work ethics and become entitled to something that’s not yet theirs?
Will they expect inheritance to be split differently now?
These are all valid questions. Hard questions.
Which is why most families just chose to stay silent. The silence feels safer.
That silence though, also has consequences.
What if You Tell Them (The Positive Perspective)
As a financial planner, it’s a huge blessing to see the retirement plans we help build come to fruition.We feel our clients are living lives full of abundance and confidence.
The families who naturally gravitate to us also tend to be thoughtful, intentional parents. Never perfect, but deeply invested in raising capable, grounded children. More often than not, they’re incredibly proud of the adults their children have become.
With that said, most clients have successfully raised mature children. In this case, I have seen that most of the time, when your kids understand your financial situation they are more equipped to help you at the end of your life. The transition becomes smoother, and the resources left behind typically go farther in the next generation.
On a practical level, now that you’ve built up an estate, accumulated investment and retirement assets, own a business, or have multiple professionals involved in your financial life, your children will eventually need to understand how everything fits together.
It’s often better for them to hear that story directly from you, with context and intention,than to piece it together later through legal documents, account statements, and estate administration.
What if You Yell Them? (The Cautious Perspective)
Of course, these conversations don’t always go exactly as planned.
There are situations where expectations shift, relationships become more complicated, or financial transparency creates emotions no one anticipated. Those concerns are real—and worth acknowledging.
That said, in my experience, those outcomes are far less common than people fear.
Most families we work with have adult children who genuinely want their parents to enjoy what they’ve built. While financial support throughout life can shape expectations, most children ultimately want peace of mind knowing their parents are secure and cared for.
And this is where thoughtful planning matters.
A well-structured estate plan, clear intentions, and trusted professionals can help create healthy boundaries and reduce misunderstandings before they happen.
You can probably imagine the worst-case scenarios—but remember, your children will likely learn about your wealth eventually.
The question isn’t necessarily whether they should know. It’s whether they learn about it intentionally, with context, or unexpectedly later on.
Nothing Needs to be Set in Stone.
One of the benefits of thoughtful estate planning is flexibility. Remember, you can always change your will, your trust, and your beneficiaries.
A family trust is often referred to as a “revocable living trust” because while you are alive, you usually have the power to change it.
That flexibility can be reassuring, but it also means these decisions deserve ongoing thought and intentionality rather than avoidance.
The Hard Truth
It may be hard to admit something like this to ourselves, but usually the worst thing we can do is to ignore a problem. Knowing this conversation should happen is rarely served well by ignoring the conversation.
Concerns about resentment, favoritism, or unintended consequences are valid. But letting fear make the decision for you may prevent an important conversation from happening altogether.
Ultimately, no matter what you decide, your kids are going to find out your net worth eventually.
You don’t have to figure this out alone.
Sometimes it helps to bring in a third party who can facilitate the conversation, help organize the details, and create a plan that aligns with your goals and values.
If you’re thinking through when, how, or whether to discuss wealth with your family, schedule a complimentary 15-Minute Financial Review.
We help families navigate these conversations every year, and create a plan that feels right for everyone involved.